Today we hit the big TWO MONTHS. Is it possible to both be so totally in love with life right now, to absolutely adore the baby snuggles and the amazing things coming out of my toddlers mouth, and yet at the same time be so totally exhausted that I literally fall into bed each night wishing there were more hours in the day to actually get things done?
I mean last week I noticed a line of mold growing on the top of the refrigerator door. You know, that part of rubber that squishes all together when the door closes. AND YET – it literally took me 3 days to actually get around to cleaning it. I mean GROSS, but each time I would be on my way to grab the cleaner some other emergency would need my immediate attention. Grace yelling from the bathroom that she needs help, Isaac waking up from nap, or my personal favorite when I notice it has gotten far too quiet in the house. There is just so much that needs constant attention in this phase of life.
There are bills from Isaac’s birth that I keep meaning to pay, the money is there in the bank sitting, but each time I think about doing it something else comes up. (like I should really be doing that instead of writing this blog, but I’m already almost a week behind! and lets face it – these memories are more important than those bills anyway) Don’t worry Gabe – its not due until June 6th 
Yes my children nap for the same two hours each day, yes I realize this is incredibly fortunate on my end, no I still don’t get anything productive done during this time because my new reality is I. Am. Exhausted. and therefor I am napping too. Just so you don’t get too comfortable with the idea that I am “napping and playing” my day away I think the one hour of sleep I get at nap time, if all goes well, makes up for the at least hour if not hour and a half each night that I am up feeding, burping, and then also pumping so that later we can attempt to feed breast milk to my son from a bottle, who refuses to take it. Its pretty much like watching all my extra time at night just get spit and screamed out. Oh Isaac – I’m so glad you are so good at nursing, but maybe just be happy taking a bottle every once in a while? The doctor told me today if you refuse it now, I might as well give up and try sippy cups when you are 6 months old! Good bye date nights or Mom’s Night Out.
I try to keep busy and keep Grace busy. No its not just “business” anymore for the sake of being busy. God and I are working on that, working on making sure what I fill our time with is purposeful, connecting with others, or growing our minds in new ways. On days we do not get out of the house… and there are those days, I am usually more exhausted then the days we fill with activities. Something about being at the house all day starts to make me feel a little stir crazy. I was made to be outside and moving around.
I am so blessed and thankful for my Mom and Dad who are a constant source of strength and provide endless hours of help and relief and yet still… are you getting this yet? I Am SO Exhausted! Just for fun I thought I would write out what a typical day looks like at this stage in life. I am hoping if you have two children under three maybe your day looks similar? If not I might just actually be going crazy from sleep deprivation.
3AM – Feed Isaac, burp him, pass him off to Daddy who changes his diaper, pump while that is happening, finally crawl back into bed 30-45 minutes later.
6 AM – repeat steps from 3AM, except this time don’t bother going back to sleep… in fact maybe jump into the shower. You used to be able to shower while Grace watched a 20 minutes show later in the morning, but now if you turn on the TV she is not very nice for the rest of the morning, so skip that part and shower now.
7AM – Grace is up if she hasn’t already been up since 6 and possibly has already showered with you depending if you have forgotten to lock the door. At this point Daddy has made breakfast (Thank you… seriously) And we are all at the table eating. There will be at least one meltdown during breakfast, usually having something to do with wanting more vitamins or not wanting leaves in her food (thank you spinach). There are also probably 3 mornings each week that by this point Grace has told us she was not ready to get out of bed and goes back in her room, shutting the door as she goes. You’d think we would tell her this wasn’t acceptable, but honestly the house is quiet for about 10 minutes these mornings and we actually talk. So for now we allow it.
8AM – Daddy has left for work and although he has said goodbye, kissed and hugged all three of us SEVERAL times I still have to answer each morning “Where did daddy go?” at least once… usually more like 5 times. Isaac is hungry again, and eating (this time I have to change his diaper… I miss their Daddy) and Grace is playing with her toys, until she poops, which always happens, and although we are pee pee potty trained now we absolutely refuse to poop. So we are cleaning up poopy underwear. If I am lucky this happens after Isaac is finished, or else I have to listen to him crying for more milk while I change Grace’s underwear and clean her off. We have tried different things, on days I am lazy I just put her in a pull-up diaper knowing she will poop. But I don’t really want to encourage this right? So some days I put her in underwear knowing we will probably have to throw that pair away. I mean its just not worth it to actually attempt to clean some of those off. I suppose it just depends on how much sleep I got the night before as to what I do.
9AM – I’m already physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Have I mentioned that by this point in the morning Grace has probably said dozens of absolutely adorable things such as “Mommy I have a ski-quit to tell you” A secret you say? Or “This pony knocked down Ariel, he will have to sit in time out. That is not very nice pony.” Things that she does and it just absolutely melts my heart and I am reminded of why I stay home. Then there are also at least 2 and some days many more times by this point in the morning that she says things that make me have to stop and count to 10 inside my head. Things such as “Leave me some space!” Her favorite combination of leave me alone and I want some space. Or “No I don’t like that” or the just crying for no apparent reason? Oh goodness. Those moments I stop, count, and hopefully have come to a better solution in my head then just laying on the ground and closing my eyes which is always my first instinct. Maybe if I can’t see it, it will go away? Sometime in the 9 oclock hour we head out to our morning activity, pool, playground, Y school, ballet class, hiking, whatever it is, you can bet we are out from 9-11. Isaac usually feeds once while we are out but does it so quickly, Grace is happily entertained by friends or experiences and I can breath, and sometimes even chat to a friend myself. Although there are still moments, those 2 hours are beautiful.
11AM – We are back home and eating lunch, after lunch Grace plays or we read books. It is her down time before nap and usually very peaceful. Isaac is usually sleeping exhausted from sleeping while out all morning. Amazing how at 2 months you can get exhausted from sleeping? I wish I had that kind of exhaustion.
12PM – NAP TIME. Hurrah! We made it! Grace is in bed and usually asleep within 20 minutes, Isaac feeds one last time and goes down for a good 3 hours and I sometimes get in a nap myself! If I am not writing blogs, or thinking about paying bills, usually the house is quiet until 3. It. Is. Wonderful.
3PM – For whatever reason my toddler wakes up from nap in the most amazing moods. I am seriously considering only allowing her to sleep 3 hours at night so that we can have these same afternoon smiles in the morning. How is it possible to wake up from 11 hours and be so grumpy and yet 3 hours and you are the sweetest, kindest little person? It is a mystery. We usually fill our afternoons will playing at home, working on tot school, helping Isaac do belly time, playing games, or hanging out on our porch. I actually do love these quiet afternoons. Oh and also I feed Isaac when he wakes up.
5PM– It is already time to start prepping dinner. Grace helps, sometimes, but lately she has had a bit of trouble listening when Mommy says “do not touch the raw meat” so most afternoons this is her TV time, because of course it works better for Daddy to be home when the TV gets turned off.
6PM – We are all starving at this point, I feed Isaac again and start counting down the seconds until my helper walks through the door. Sometimes when he calls my first words are “please tell me you are on your way” I adore my two kids. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else doing anything else then what I am doing right now. But I can tell you why God designed two parents. It is hard work! Figuring out what to parent and how to parent, and what is too much and what is not enough. It is challenging.
7:30PM – By this time Daddy has taken Grace on a walk to wear her out, played with both kids in the playroom, we have all eaten dinner and Grace has had her bath. We have read books, sang songs and prayed for friends. Now it is time for sleep. You would think we would be settling down for a few beautiful hours of couple time to really talk about life and dive into deeper conversations. However it is almost as if our perfect 2 month old son knows Grace has gone to sleep for the night and its his turn to rule the house. This calm and passive boy who literally only cries when hungry or wet will then spend the next TWO hours screaming bloody murder. I mean face purple, all sweaty, crying. No he is not hungry, his diaper is dry, he is just tired. And refusing to sleep. We rock him, we sing, we try different places to let him sleep, the swing, the crib, the rocker, doesn’t matter. He just wants to be held and NO sitting down holding him is not an option. You must be standing and he would prefer if you would hold him upright out in front of your body – strange but it works. Too bad my arms start breaking after about 2 seconds.
9:30PM – Isaac has finally fallen asleep. We whisper our bedtime prayers and a few last thoughts – yes literally whisper and immediately fall asleep. Now you know why we e-mail each other during the day so we can stay connected… and why we allow Grace to “go back to bed” in the mornings. This age is exhausted. And yet every day as I whisper goodnight and close my eyes I realize how incredibly blessed I am. How much I adore, I mean the kind of love so big I would do anything, this daughter and son. How amazing they both are and I get to be their Mama.
Dear God, Thank you. Thank you for the days that go perfectly, and the days that are covered in “messiness” Thank you for loving me and for every day making me stronger, a little more courageous, a little more patient, a little more like you. Thank you for never giving up on me even though I am without question flawed. I make mistakes, a lot of mistakes, I need constant grace and forgiveness. Remind me to give those things to my children, to my husband, and to others. Thank you for this family. Thank you for the little reminders of how blessed I am, when Grace says “no I love you more” and when Isaac looks up, sees me, and smiles. Thank you for this life I get to call mine.
